The Morning From Hell

Today was the day I took my dream and shot it in the head.

Yes, BMAT day had arrived. And Leicester being Leicester, don't have a test centre for it to be sat at, which meant that me and mum were travelling up to Birmingham for my 9am exam. Which was totally fine. We had scheduled to leave at 7:15am, make it there for 8:15am for me to register smoothly at 8:30am as I had been instructed.

Except it wasn't fine.

The second we hit the M6 we were caught up in a mass of stand-still traffic but you know, it was 7:45am and I thought it's fine, we're cruising, we'll still get there with time to spare (especially considering the sat nav was saying 20 minutes to go). Minutes ticked by - 8am and we had moved about a mile. I forced myself to stay calm. I ate my banana (slow release of energy and apparently makes for good brain fuel).

8:15am - I was still the picture of calm whilst my poor mother was fretting and stressing herself out to the max at the wheel. 8:30am and I was picturing the fellow dental/medical students lining up at the centre to register and I let myself think it takes time, I'll still make it for about 15 minutes before the exam starts, worst case scenario. I rang the centre - no response. Fine, stay calm, stay calm, stay calm...8:40am and the sat nav was still saying 15 minutes to go. I wasn't going to make it. I lied to my mum saying it'll be okay and we just have to get past this small strip of traffic and we'll speed our way there. I made the second call - no answer. 8:50am and I allowed myself to panic. The third call was just as fruitless as the previous two.

It then touched 9am and we hadn't even reached the exit for Birmingham. The clock was moving. The traffic wasn't. By 9:10am, we hadn't moved an inch and I was laughing. What were the odds? The one exam in my two decades on this earth that I hadn't revised for (crash-revising in two days doesn't really count) for my dream uni that had been my dream up until about three weeks ago when I resigned to the fact that they weren't going to offer me an interview because this exam was a complete lost cause, is the exam that I don't even make, let alone take to fail. Fate is a twisted thing huh?

I was partly relieved. Me missing it would have been just as bad as me taking it. Honestly. My prep for it had been that bad. But a small part of me was devastated. I mean, I genuinely no longer cared about this exam that was deciding the fate of one uni out of four choices. Yet I'd dreamt of Leeds for two years. And even if I had done badly, at least I'd have left nothing (well, almost nothing) to chance. I would still have had a small glimpse at a shot of a place for the simple reason that it's their first trial year and maybe, just maybe, the emphasis on it won't be massive.

So when my mum looked at me at 9:20-something and said "Leeds has always been your dream though...", I resolved to pitch up at the centre and beg for them to let me sit it. Partly for my mum. Partly to settle my conscience.

By 9:45 I had run into the centre, fought my corner and was waiting to be seated to sit it. It was admittedly a mess - I had to sit the sections in a haphazard order and in a different room each time - but sit it, I did.

It actually wasn't bad. I swear it's a ridiculously hyped up exam that a) is totally irrelevant to your skillset as an aspiring doctor or dentist, b) a lot easier than books and past papers and other people make it out to be and c) stupidly short e.g. one section asks 9 questions on each biology, chemistry and physics. So it perfectly backed up my reasoning behind not revising for it during my final year of uni. And however well or badly it goes, it's done and for whatever reason, I may, or may not, get a place at the University of Leeds.

I guess we'll just have to wait and find out.