Ramadan Journal '19 | Week Four
20:35
I can feel you fading. Please don't leave me. Please. I don't know if I can do this alone. You are already at the door, and my last memory of you will be your quiet voice telling me that I can - if only I show a little more faith in myself - and I try desperately to believe it as I am left to mourn your retreating back. And I wonder, do you know? Do you know that you saved me at a time when I needed it the most? Do you know that you have mended me in all the places I was broken? I have found a mercy at your hands, a purity in my soul, a softer heart...and a divine connection to the One who sent you, and I don't want you to leave because I am so scared of it slipping like sand through my butter fingers.
I ask if I'll see you again, unable to keep the pleading out of my voice as it breaks and you turn, ever so slightly, your sad smile answer enough, more so than anything you could possibly say to me. You lightly shrug and I feel my heart break as you take a piece of me away with you. But I also feel the ghost of your presence lingering in the air and I am reminded that there are pieces of you that you too have left behind.
Your parting gift stands beneath the night sky, all colour and glamour and precious stones, and as she glides into my space, stars trailing in her wake to fill the room with a celestial radiance, grief gives way to hope. She is the reminder of all the good that has passed and all the good that is to come and all the good I still have left to give. And so, though it is tinged with sadness, my heart entertains her spirit with the promise to cherish your memories...to serve them with justice, until the next time.
I ask if I'll see you again, unable to keep the pleading out of my voice as it breaks and you turn, ever so slightly, your sad smile answer enough, more so than anything you could possibly say to me. You lightly shrug and I feel my heart break as you take a piece of me away with you. But I also feel the ghost of your presence lingering in the air and I am reminded that there are pieces of you that you too have left behind.
Your parting gift stands beneath the night sky, all colour and glamour and precious stones, and as she glides into my space, stars trailing in her wake to fill the room with a celestial radiance, grief gives way to hope. She is the reminder of all the good that has passed and all the good that is to come and all the good I still have left to give. And so, though it is tinged with sadness, my heart entertains her spirit with the promise to cherish your memories...to serve them with justice, until the next time.
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