Ramadan Journal '17 | Week Four
18:00
Another Ramadan has come and gone in the blink of an eye, its retreat descending as fast as its approach. In so many ways, this month has been a truly testing time for us as a society; whilst we've been battling our inner selves, we've also been tested in showing unity and strength in times of adversity. Ramadan has always been a symbol of hope for me; it's when I've found my healing, my faith, my resolve to perfect what needs to be perfected. And I pray that every other soul out there who's been blessed enough to see this Ramadan through finds not just that self-serving kind of hope, but a deeper kind...the hope for a nation that is being tested on homeland and being tested in faraway places, the hope for a world of peace and unity instead of one bathed in violence and bloodshed.
No Ramadan is ever perfect - I think we all share a little of that inevitable feeling of inadequacy as the dawn of Eid colours the sky - but I hope that you've all found something, be it a habit, or an aspiration, to hold on tightly to until the next Ramadan blesses us with its presence. If you have, count yourself lucky - you've been gifted the chance to add a little something of value to your faith. And of course, I hope that you all have a fabulous Eid! May you have a happy, blessed day filled with good food, little surprises, and a world of mercy x
Day 22 | 8pm
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| Losing to my brother in our Mario Kart competitions is my favourite Ramadan ritual |
Day 23 | Real
the real internal struggle
" Dear Nafs,
Today I sat cross-legged across from my teacher and as she held my palms in hers, she introduced me to you.
I am sorry it took me so long to recognize you.
Dear Nafs,
You are the embodiment of my desires and the mirror of my heart. Please be good to me. I’ll take us to Jannah.
Dear Nafs,
I saw a boy today. Why can’t I focus on my homework instead of his eyes?
Dear Nafs,
It’s hard not to listen to music. It’s even harder when your friends don’t understand.
Dear Nafs,
I saw him again and my heart stopped.
I should’ve looked away but my eyes wouldn’t let me.
Dear Nafs,
Last month you convinced me to leave out my sunnah prayers which seemed fine until I realized the last time I prayed Fajr was three days ago.
Dear Nafs,
Hassan completes me. He understands me.
Dear Nafs,
I am paralyzed by my sins. By what my eyes saw and by what my fingers typed on that keyboard.
I cannot go back to God.
Dear Nafs,
You said it was one time.
You promised.
Why do we keep falling into the same trap over and over again?
Dear Nafs,
I was lying in bed, drowning in music and the ocean of helplessness.
My mother called from the stairs, “It’s time for Maghrib, go pray.” I only rolled over and changed the playlist.
Dear Nafs,
I haven’t made Wudhu in 17 days.
I don’t know why I keep track.
Dear Nafs,
There is an emptiness growing inside of me. I think I am what would be called depressed.
Dear Nafs,
You’re not fighting on my side, are you?
Dear Nafs,
Please. Don’t destroy me.
Dear Nafs,
This is it.
I can’t take it anymore.
Dear Nafs,
They always said the most important part about winning a fight is distinguishing between the enemy and ally. I guess I’ve been losing since day one.
Dear Nafs,
I know this is not how you begin a usual declaration of war, but this is not a usual battle."
Day 24 | Outfit
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| My new favourite summer outfit: a jumpsuit I shamelessly picked up from the teenage girls' section because if you can, then why the hell not |
Day 25 | Black & White
Day 26 | Number
 |
١٠وَاعْلَمُوا
١/٦/٢٠١٧
|
Day 27 | Prayer
السجود
a love story that no one would understand but those who pray
| and the beauty of prostration is that sometimes, a silent whisper down on earth, is heard as a loud and powerful roar in the heavens
Day 28 | Grateful for
F A I T H
For the knowledge that when the world bends my back until it breaks, my knees can hit the floor, my head pushed to the ground, my despairing heart in surrender, and He will gift me the miracles I so desperately crave.
Day 29 | Calm
رب
I started to fall in love with my Lord when I had realised the He was the only One that would never let me down and that He was the only One that caught me when I fell. I had been overcome with this very love when I realised that He was the only One that heard my cries of distress and that He was the only One that soothed my crying soul. And when I had fallen in love, I was at my best.
SOURCE
Day 30 | Farewell
Farewell Ramadan
Bidding farewell to this month is never easy; it is full of regrets, longing, and the desperate urge for it to come around again because we're not done spiritually transforming. If you haven't found what you're looking for in the last thirty days, don't give up. Because His presence isn't a temporary, fleeting gift for thirty days...it's a gift that's present every second of every day. It takes just a whispered prayer, a broken heart in the middle of the night, a hollow ache for redemption, guidance and enlightenment - that's all it takes for Him to heal. So if you're still searching...keep going. This is your journey - and He's with you. He's waiting. Just keep going.
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