Ramadan Journal '16 | Week One

Day 1 | Let's go

i.e. let me be the best version of myself this Ramadan

I don't think I'm alone in thinking "I wish I'd done more..." when the night before Eid descends, the air of happiness and celebration tinged slightly with regret. I'm always filled with a soul-crushing disappointment, a despondent longing, a desperate sense of lost time when I realise that I didn't make the most of what I had. That I didn't do enough. And so, my goal for the next thirty odd days is to do my absolute best in working towards bettering myself, in training my soul and nurturing my faith so that on the 29th or 30th night, I can look back on the month and be proud of what I've personally achieved. I refuse to feel empty when the month ends, feeling like I lost out on the multitude of blessings that I could have reaped, but didn't. This Ramadan could be my last. And I have to make it count.

Day 2 | A quote

Allah tells us that when we die, all the areas which we prayed in will weep for us. Can you imagine the mountains longing for you, the shores hugging the sand on the beach, as it howls in despair for you? Can you imagine the cement in which you bowed your head in, crack as it trembles in its loss for you? The earth is alive, it has a soul of its own. And Allah tells that the one who submits in prayer has won the heart of the earth. And in the first night in our graves, instead of a terrifying squeeze that will shatter our every bone, those who indulged in good deeds and prayer will receive an affectionate embrace. As the earth’s way of saying ‘welcome back. I missed you.’  - Nashiha Pervin

Day 3 | I wish

I wish to spend every day being a better person than I was yesterday

Day 4 | Read

With exams having just finished, and my summer just starting, my reading has started to pick up again but whilst I'm slowly working my way down that long (and slightly intimidating) to-be-read pile of books in my room, I'm making it a point to read a book of faith at the same time. 

My current Ramadan read is the biography of the blessed Prophet Muhammad صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم 

I spent years of my childhood learning about his life, from the divine miracles and subtle signs that preceded his birth, to the chaos left in his wake when he left this world. And whilst I remember the key events and significant moments that defined his life as the final messenger, the intricate details and small facts elude me. Because with time, it's easy to forget the finer specifics when you're no longer studying it as profusely as you once did. And the truth is, I miss it. I miss knowing the ins and outs of his life, knowing the meticulous details of the battles fought in his time, the knowledge that was as natural to me as breathing. 

I've been meaning to go back to study it for such a long time but the books I have are not only in parts, but they're also aimed at a younger audience. Then my friend recommended "Seeratul Mustafa" which I bought and I'm so glad I did. It's an abridged version of his complete biographical works, but it's just right. It has all the important information and though it's concise, it's thorough. It's engaging and well-written, and I love that the author breaks up the text with certain Quran verses according to the context in which they were revealed. I read a chapter or two a day and it's every bit as fruitful and interesting as I'd hoped it would be. (It's also aesthetically pleasing, which, you know, is a must for any book I own).

The following are book recs (pictured on the right, above) that are not only great to see the month of Ramadan through, but which are just great to have on your bookshelf regardless of the time of year.

Reclaim Your Heart by Yasmin Mogahed

Yasmin Yogahed is a beautiful speaker and an even more beautiful writer. She is so eloquent in her speech and her imagery of faith is compelling, thought-provoking, and enough to pull you away from the materialistic world and onto the prayer mat. She made me fall in love with Islam all over again. Reclaim Your Heart is her guide on detaching the heart from this world, on how to stop yourself from getting hurt by it over and over again. I read this book at a time in my life when I really needed it. And it changed my life.

Turning the Tide : Reawakening the Woman's Heart and Soul by Suma Din

I love this book because I love quotes and snippets of wisdom and all things lovely. And this book, in all its essence, is simply lovely. It's beautiful by the way, hands down the most beautiful Islamic book I own. The cover is gorgeous and it's so visually pleasing with its glossy pages and pretty print...it has such a quality touch. But beyond that, Suma Din takes a woman's life, right from birth, through childhood, adulthood, old age, up until the next life, and gives an inspiring perspective on it through stories, quotes, sayings of the Prophet, and verses of the Quran. Her metaphorical take on a woman's life is compelling and captivating and it's a book that every Muslim woman should have on her bookshelf.

Falling in Love with Muhammad by Rehana Shah-Bulbulia

Falling in Love with Muhammad is a biography of sorts, but not from an academic perspective. It's more of a snapshot of his life and whilst Seerah is focused on Muhammad the Prophet, this book is more about Muhammad the man. It takes a look at defining moments and events that encapsulate the character of the Prophet and in doing so, captures the lessons that can be taken from the life that he lived.

Happily Ever After - Journey to Jannah by Rehana Shah-Bulbulia

Journey to Jannah looks at life in all its reality; from life in the womb, to life in the grave, and life beyond that. It marvels at the emptiness of this world, at how it drains and empties, but never fills. How the soul searches and searches for a happiness that is neither complete nor real. It is an eye-opening insight into the happiness we ache for, craving it in materialistic pleasures, high-flying careers, fragile relationships, forgetting that happiness cannot be found in this life, but that exists only in a place in which we have to earn our keep.

Day 5 | Inspired by...

Given recent events, it felt only right to include a passage by Muhammad Ali that I stumbled upon whilst I was scrolling through my Tumblr feed. It's no secret that he is probably one of the most respected figures of the 20th century, not just because of the success he achieved through his sporting fame, but because of his work as a civil rights activist, his sharp wit, humbling manner and outright sense of humanity, and his open declaration of faith. The latter being the most inspiring. It is as clear as day that his religion always came first, whilst everything else came second. He was consciously aware, probably more than any of us as we're swept away by materialistic distractions, of how temporary this world is. And it's for that reason that I've chosen to share the following because of the profound reminder that echoes with his words.

Day 6 | Today

Today I am thinking about how the darkest corners of my mind, the ugly pieces of my scratched-up, battered soul, scare me. Those remnants that are hidden away by a constant mask of deceit, buried deep as they haunt me, and only me. Unfiltered thoughts, unwarranted emotions, unwanted mistakes that poison, suffocate, taint. It scares me that even though he is locked up, I am struggling. And it absolutely terrifies me just how much of my slip-ups are my own doing. Because it is easy, so easy to do good. But staying away from the bad? Controlling the tongue, fighting the temptations of social media, the distractions of society, the whisperings of the human mind, fighting his little pockets of influence that suck us dry - that's the hard part. It scares the living daylight out of me that my faults and flaws that slowly leak into my life, my mistakes and shortcomings as I hit rock bottom and I struggle to lift my hands up to the sky to ask, beg, cry - they burn the good. The flames licking and destroying my efforts until they all turn to ash and I'm staring at charcoal black, restless and itching for a slice of light to break through. The scariest part of it all, the scariest part is that those days, the days in which I suffer and feel my faith crumbling, are because of me. I am my own self-destruction.

Day 7 | No

"No" to working whilst fasting. It makes me the definition of tired, hungry and cranky. I cannot be dealing with patients and their crappy attitude on the best of days, but dealing with them while I'm fasting in the almost-unbearable heat? Lord have mercy. I hate my job anyway, but to have to travel by train, stick out six torturous hours standing on my feet being bored out of my mind, and journey back home with aching feet and a throbbing headache, only to have to wait another 4.5 hours before I can dig into my comfort food and forget about it, makes me want to curl up in bed and cry.